Me, a BSF kid... a Haider from the other side.

It has been a very sad day for me. The carnage of Pulwama makes me feel for many loved ones of CRPF soldiers waiting at homes ....

My father spent his youth and childhood phase of my life in Kashmir from mid-80s to mid-90s.
He served in BSF. We rarely had any whereabouts of him except his address being 56 APO (Army Post Office). And every evening during those years was filled with fear of listening some bad news on television.

Twice a year he would come home for nearly a month on each visit. Still feel the pain during instances of him leaving home after having spent his vacation time at home. The pains in my heart used to be unbearable. My younger brother and sister used to cry more than me. My mother would again be faced with the double responsibility of taking care of kids. She used to put her brave face in front of us. Now me in the similar age as of my father during those days, I can feel what he also might be going through. He was a soft heart and used to shed tears even while watching emotional Bollywood movies. And also when he used to leave home for Kashmir to serve with BSF. He never looked back once stepping out of home for his return journey back to the troubled places. We would spend next a few days after him leaving with a feeling of a big void in our lives. His homecoming used to bring immense pleasure with the fear of the time he would leave again for the border.

Very often I feel that I lost my share of time with him when I needed him most. I learnt a lot from him even during the short intersecting spans of our lives. That makes me wonder what I missed by missing his company during my formative years. 

Now when my father is no more, looking back I ask if the job in BSF was a good deal for my father, my family and for me. Couldn't he have done some job the way mostly do, living together with their families, living a normal civilian life. He had told me that he was filled with patriotic feelings while growing up. He was son of freedom fighters. The movie Haqeeqat was his favourite movie. 15th August and 26th January were never lesser festivals at my home than Diwali or Holi. So, may be this is what he wanted to do, serve the country by serving in BSF. At least until he took retirement. 

One weird feeling I had when I saw the movie Haider (2014), about agonies of a Kashmiri kid. I could say to myself that the feelings of many kids of soldiers serving in Kashmir is not very different. I could see many people sympathising with likes of Haider. But likes of Haider from the other side is often ignored. May be more liberal Bollywood directors and scriptwriters do not see box office success, awards or their agenda fulfilment in stories relating to agonies of army and para-military kids.

Today my prayers are for the likes of Haider from the other side, the CRPF kids who would wait forever now for their dads to come home. 

                                                   My dad, a photograph during his wedding in 1975